Hello Moscow! (Привет Москва!)
Hello City of ill-fitting suits, nasty haircuts and questionable personal hygiene!
Look what seventy years of communism has reduced you to!
But fear not, for I am here now - I, Alan B'stard, to bring you the new Gospel: the Gospel of Capitalism!
For did you know, in this nation of nearly three hundred million people there no sock shops, there are no filofaxes, there are no karaoke clubs, no Style magazines - do you realise the only match black cappuccino makers you have in Moscow are Ghanaian students?... I am not saying... I am not saying no one in Russia is producing profitable irrelevancies - this trainer, made in Leningrad, is every bit as good as the western product, and your Russian factory is turning out a million shoes a year... and I am sure... I am sure it will be a huge international seller... as soon as the factory gets round to producing some left shoes, and expands its range beyond size five and a half.
But don't worry, don't worry, don't worry, because you can do it, for you are hungry, while we, in the West, are decadent! (...потому что вы голодаете, в то время как Запад загнивает.)
